Speaking of pitches....
This came in my inbox yesterday and I thought I'd pass it on for a little mid-week levity.
Cheers,
Malcolm
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The Cynical Screenwriter's Dictionary of Hollywood Lexicon's
Verbs
To "schmooze" - befriend scum
To 'pitch - grovel shamelessly
To 'brainstorm' - feign preparedness
To 'research' - procrastinate indefinitely
To 'network' - spread disinformation
To 'collaborate' - argue incessantly
To 'freelance' - collect unemployment
Nouns
Agent - frustrated lawyer
Lawyer - frustrated producer
Producer - frustrated writer
Writer - frustrated director
Director - frustrated actor
Actor - frustrated human being
Compound Words
High concept - low-brow
Production Values - gore
Entry-level - pays nothing
Network Approved - has made them money
Highly qualified - sleeps with the producer
Financial Terms
Net - something that apparently does not exist
Gross - Michael Eiseners salary
Back End - you, if you think you'll ever see it
Residuals - braces for your kids
Deferral - don't hold your breath
Points - see 'Net' or 'Back End'
Common Phrases
You can trust me - You must be new
It needs some polishing - Change everything
It shows promise - It stinks rotten
It needs fine tuning - Change everything
I'd like some input - I want total control
It needs some honing - Change everything
Call me next week - Stay out of my life
It needs some tightening - Change everything
Try to punch it up - I have no idea what I want
It needs some streamlining - Change everything
You'll never work in this town again - I have no power whatsoever