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Approved-By: Norm Holland <NNH@NERVM.NERDC.UFL.EDU>
Message-ID: <970513.163247.EDT.NNH@nervm.nerdc.ufl.edu>
Date: Tue, 13 May 1997 16:30:25 EDT
Reply-To: Institute for Psychological Study of the Arts
<PSYART@NERVM.NERDC.UFL.EDU>
Sender: Institute for Psychological Study of the Arts
<PSYART@NERVM.NERDC.UFL.EDU>
From: Norm Holland <NNH@NERVM.NERDC.UFL.EDU>
Subject: EU English (fwd) (fwd)
To: Multiple recipients of list PSYART <PSYART@NERVM.NERDC.UFL.EDU>
This must have been created by a Thatcherite euroskeptic. --Best, Norm
----------------------------Original message----------------------------
1. Making English Better, the European Way
Contents
Making English Better, the European Way
The following humorous report on the European Union's efforts to improve
English, which is the common language for EU bureaucrats, was provided by a
member of the ACLU Legislative Network. It is a terrific!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
EU Bureaucratic English Reforms
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially
the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a
feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between
Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out
these anomalies. The program would, of course, be administered by a committ=
ee
staff at top level by participating nations. =20
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' inste=
ad
of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this
news with joy.
Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounse=
d
alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal
workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed
that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make
words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print. In the third year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage th=
e
removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate
speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem
began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, afteral,
half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words
kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinatio=
ns
of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a rel=
i
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis
and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.