Asbestoswear by Carter Heyward: Inner Soles

Inner Soles

I have experienced a difficult tension between revelation and concealment of myself. I was raised to "tell the truth." This little moralism has served me well in many ways, such as in my decision to come out as a lesbian, a decision I have not regretted. Today, however, I see how little I knew when I came out about taking care of myself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is possible, I am learning, both to take care of ourselves and to take public stands. Possible and very hard. (29)

Whenever we speak the truths of our lives in situations in which our truths are unwelcome, we are like intense light, difficult for others to bear. The primary danger to us is that the intensity of our own light may bounce back upon us and blind us. In coming out, we do not know any more than others about how to live the implications of our lives as openly lesbian women or gaymen..... In this situation, some measured concealment and carefully refracted light is often wise. (30, 31)

If we are to live with our feet on the ground, in touch with reality, we must help one another accept the fact that we who are christian are heirs to a body-despising, woman-fearing, sexually repressive religious tradition. If we are to continue as members of the church, we must challenge and transform it at the root. What is required is more than simply a "reformation." I am speaking of revolutionary transformation. Nothing less will do. (47)

Theologian Carter Heyward in her book Touching Our Strength (Harper and Row, 1989).